Tuesday, 13 May 2008

Boris Johnson and the dead parrot bounce

In yet another puff piece for the Conservative party, Tory 'insider' and champion of freedom Iain Dale told the nation that Boris' ban on booze: "shows he has hit the ground running and intends to implement his manifesto to the letter."

Yet since Boris' came to power there have been at least three policies that have hit the ground dead, and so far they're not running anywhere.

First up we have Boris pledge to scrap Ken Livingstone's business embassies. Like his pledge to scrap bendy buses, this was for many months one of the only policies that Boris would admit to. As recently as the Conservative spring conference he was deriding them as 'vainglorious' adventures that would be culled as soon as he got in.

So what's he going to do now he's actually in power? That's right, he's keeping them.

Next up we have Boris' pledge to award an amnesty to illegal immigrants that have worked here for a long time. This surprise announcement came just days before Boris had to face an extremely hostile audience at London Citizens, and caused Bob Piper to accuse Boris of 'having his cake and eating it.' Well guess what London Citizens? Boris doesn't need your vote anymore so you can say tada to that one.

Thirdly we have the pledge to arrange local referendums on the smoking ban. To be fair, that pledge didn't last longer than an afternoon, in which short time he realised that neither the government nor his boss Dave would let him do it. Still it didn't stop Boris "I believe in liberty" Johnson from going to the other end of the spectrum by banning drinking on trains.

Lastly and most disappointingly we have Johnson's pledge to put all expenses (like salaries) up on the Mayor's website 'from day one'. Now I know we are in early days here, but eight days on from 'day one' and there is still no sign of the salaries, registered interests or even detailed job descriptions of any of Boris Johnson's new appointments on his website. 

On this last one there is still hope that the dead parrot will bounce up and fly away, but so far signs of life don't look good. So come on Boris, Polly wants a cracker and Polly's getting hungry. Where are those bloody expenses?
Do you know of any more upcoming Boris Johnson dead parrot bounces? Do you know of any other birds that aren't going to fly? If so, then please send them to the usual address ;)


C H Paul said...

I will get back to you if and when we ever see those routemasters.

Chris said...

My predictions:

1. New routemaster - bounced
2. Chairing MPA - took up at least 3 days work for the last incumbent so bounced
3. Stopping people building on their back gardens - not within his powers so - bounced
4. Building a new airport in Kent - you're Mayor of LONDON Boris, so that's a bounce

That's another four for starters.

Anonymous said...

What an absolute cunt. I hope these retards who voted for "LOL BORIS OFF THE TELLY" are happy now. Londoners like you have my utmost sympathy. But perhaps, through the gloom, you can see some hope in that Camoron is going to end up discredited. He must be bricking it. If only one of his first choices had run and he hadn't had to go down to #94!

angelneptunestar said...

The business embassies was not policy - it was something that Boris said he would look at.

The smoking referendum was not policy - ditto above.

With regard to putting all expenses on the web, have a heart, he has only been Mayor for 8 days!

Some of the things he has already achieved (the ban on drinking, the committee under Prudence Wheatcroft, the appointment of his deputy mayors) are very good, so it is not doing a puff piece to say that.

Tory Troll, some of the issues facing our Mayor are so serious, don't you think it is our duty as Londoners to set aside partisanship and give him our backing? On teenage crime for example? You are perfectly within your rights to criticise him, but when that is all that happens, and there are such dreadfully serious problems to be faced, it becomes self defeating.

The Tory Troll said...

He didn't say he would 'look at' business embassies, he said on many occasions that he would scrap them, in line with the views of the Evening Standard.

This was a line he maintained in public right up to the election. The only way you would have known differently is if you looked at his manifesto released within a couple of weeks of the election which said in a very coded way that he was committed to working with other cities.

There was no explicit u-turn so people voted for him in part because of this position.

On the expenses front, it would take very little time or effort to put up the details i have listed. It could have easily been done in the original press release. They managed to put up the costs of policies that they have scrapped easily enough.

It is not my duty to give backing to any politician. As a journalist it is my duty to scrutinise those politicians, especially when they promise things that they then ditch when they get into power.

Mr. Stop Boris said...

angelneptunestar: "With regard to putting all expenses on the web, have a heart, he has only been Mayor for 8 days!"

He specifically said he would do this "on day one", on several occasions. He's had eight times as long as he promised and still hasn't even hinted at doing it. How many more times longer do Londoners have to wait before you'll allow them to criticise this broken promise?

Birdoman said...

I've lived in London my whole life, most of it as a teenager, and imho the fear of 'yoof' crime is exponentially greater than its reality.

But even IF it's so very important to this city, why should that incline us to giving Boris our backing? It's hardly like we're dissenting radicals, egging on muggers and actively blocking the implementation of his policies. Our support isn't needed - he's already won, and anyway, what would that give Boris apart from smug satisfaction? Unless your volunteering to be a community support officer...

Surely, on such an important issue, he deserves great scrutiny?

Dave Cole said...

Dear Mr Troll,

You seem not to have notice that, on the way down from the top of his bounces, Mayor Johnson has grabbed some low-hanging fruit.

I refer, of course, to the attempt to claim any sort of credit for the extension of Oyster pay-as-you-go to suburban railways within London not controlled by TfL. The negotiations to make this possible, despite the TOCs' incalcitrance, was well under way before Mr Johnson assumed office.


The Tory Troll said...

Yes I did notice that particular piece of sleight of hand. I was going to post on it this and other things this afternoon, but BT decided to suspend my broadband connection for no apparent reason.

Also it was very ably dealt with by Tom over at BorisWatch (link in sidebar).

Also I suspect there has been an even worse sleight of hand on today's announcement on the '10,000 new trees.' More on this tomorrow when Team Boris get back to me.

Anonymous said...

Boris said he would get rid of the London Embassies. The Tory team are "rolling" them into the existing UK embassies.

Nuh! Don't you realise this means the London embassies will no longer exist! There will no longer be some plush air-conditioned office in f**king Caracas plugging glorious Ken, mate of the Chief Autocrat and Grand Dictator of All Venezuela. Instead London, as part of the UK (lest the first President of the Metropolis, recently deposed, forgets that fact), will be promoted through the British Embassy there. As it should be.

Manifesto promise fulfilled, I think. So not exactly "dead".

You keep telling yourself in your smug bobo Boolinger Bolshie tosserdom that Boris is buried within a fortnight of getting in. I live in London and guess what? It stopped piddling it down May the first and it's been beautiful clear blue skies all that time.

Get used to it eh? But keep writing this drivel just to keep us on our toes and to know what a p**spoor enemy we're up against.

The Tory Troll said...

Ooh... 'smug bobo boolinger bolshie tosserdom'

I like it. No idea what it means, but I like it.

I also like your thoughts on the weather somehow issuing in a glorious God sent era of London government. Good news that, although it's due to rain tomorrow, so does that mean it's the end of it?

I'm glad also that you know what you're up against Mr ultra brave anonymous poster. Although seeing as what you're up against is so 'pisspoor' you really shouldn't get yourself so worked up about it.

Oh yes, and moving an office isn't the same as scrapping it.

The Tory Troll said...

News just in:

The new routemasters probably won't happen now.

That's right- BOUNCED.