Monday, 16 June 2008

Taking a zero tolerance approach to David Davis

The subject of David Davis has now officially reached medio-blogosphere saturation point. Any further discussion of this hero stroke clown and his important public debate, stroke vainglorious media circus, will risk complete flooding of the politico-commentariat floodplain. 

To save us all from this total Davis-mania throttling the nation I propose the following emergency measures to be implemented with immediate and dramatic effect:

  1. Any further public discussion of David Davis and his Magna Carta defence fund should be immediately banned. Any journalist/blogger/politician/pleb wishing to discuss our nation's saviour, stroke pompous Tory, should do so within their their own space and time and beyond all access to a rapid broadband connection stroke vox-pop television link-up.
  2. David Davis should be summarily arrested under existing legislation and detained for a period not exceeding 28 days in anticipation of a longer detention period to be secured imminently.
  3. All Labour MPs stroke left-wing bloggers looking to join David Davis's campaign should be placed on a strict control order, stroke issued with a Conservative Party application form to be filled in immediately with regulation blue ink.
  4. If all else fails, David Davis's plans to bring back the death penalty should be quickly brought before the house to be rushed through with full use of the Parliament Act if necessary and with the public support of Kelvin MacKenzie if appropriate. 

Now the Troll understands that the kaleidoscope has been shaken. The pieces are in flux and soon they will settle again. But in the meantime, a zero tolerance approach must be taken to any further fanning of the Davis media firestorm. 

Because these are dangerous times for British politics and these dangerous times require dangerous measures. Let us take those measures.


Anonymous said...

Just because Davis has set up this sideshow doesn't mean that we should obediently trot along and hang off his coattails on this.

The man is apart from his stance on this, the worst kind of Tory. just because I agree with one thing that he says doesn't mean that I am going to be supporting him otherwise. Let's get real everyone.

Doug said...

How much of that last section is from Blair? It seems strangely familiar...

The Tory Troll said...

The first two sentences. His most overblown moment by a long shot. Davis is in my opinion attempting a similar level of pompous grandstanding but without having the power or influence that Blair had. Making this pompous grandstanding all the more pompous without being any more grand.

The man is a berk who just happens to be on the right side of the argument on this. I really don't think we should get ourselves involved with supporting him, just because he happens to have hijacked the issue for himself. I think we should argue it on our own terms and in our own way, not build up another right-wing politician with a messiah complex. Blair's career should be a warning not a guidebook.

Anonymous said...

At least its 42 days in custody. Not 42 Days with either David Davis or Kelvin McKenzie (or both if you're really unlucky).
If the man said something about the disproportionate use of any legislation such as this on Muslims or said something about stop and search or that some asylum seekers might be genuine, I'd take him seriously.
I tend to think this i more to do with the likelihood of him not getting the home office job in two years time and needing to make it difficult for Cameron to ignore him. Oh, cynic that I am

The Tory Troll said...

Via Guido I see that the Davis campaign website is to be called

Why not just call it 'David Davis Is Freedom' and be done with it?

angelneptunestar said...

Adam, I totally agree with everything you have written on this.

He does just happen to be on the right side of the argument and you are bang on the nail this time.

Tim said...

This is the best thing I've ever seen you write - funny, true, and laugh out loud

The Tory Troll said...

Thanks Tim. Very kind of you to say so.