Friday, 26 June 2009

Move along Londoners, there's nothing to see here

From Red Boris's latest missive to the faithful:

"It's been a tough week this week. I was angry and disappointed to learn that my former deputy had made some very serious errors of judgement when it came to expenses. He rightly stepped down and we must now move on."

Please, please move on now.

"I won't gloss over my own issue with expenses"

Of course not.

"To be honest, I always prefer using the bike, even to very posh functions."

"And it is important to focus on our broader efforts to run an open and value for money City Hall. We have made significant savings, such as cutting the media budget by £700,000 and closing down the office in Venezuela, saving £100,000."

Which cost a deal worth millions to bus users (unlike Boris who never uses them).

"We publish all spending over £1,000 and, more importantly, City Hall no longer spends money on narrow political causes. I am pleased to report we have not held any lavish lunches with South American dictators!"

Look over there! It's Ken! Look!

"All this has enabled us to freeze our share of the council tax for the first time in 8 years."

Which saved households about 11p a week, whilst public transport users (unlike Boris) have seen their fares raised by many more times.

"So, I believe we have a good record when it comes to respecting your money, using it with care and in a transparent manner. I will always be in favour of shining a light into dark corners, and one thing I will promise is that you will never see anything blacked out when it shouldn't be in any document we publish."

So you'll rip us off, but you'll be open about it?

Forward Londinium! To victory and to unredacted expense claims!


Helen said...

Monkey say, monkey don't do.

Bus crime in Hounslow is up 14% since Boris came to power and we've had two stabbings in 48 hours in the past week.

AdamB said...

Incorrect Helen. Production of Hounslow Pig-iron has quadrupled under the Dear Leader's watch. Quadrupled I tell you!

Fitzroy said...

Lighten up - he's so funny!

What a card our comedy Mayor is!

He was funny on Have I Got News For You.

Ken used to eat puppies when he was in City Hall.

etc etc

AdamB said...

And Communist puppies too.

Phil Taylor said...


You seem to be happy to repeat the Livingstone/Fletcher lie that 6% fare increases announced last September were Boris's. You know full well that Livingstone agreed these with TfL whilst he was still in power and then promised to reduce them from RPI + 1% to RPI (5%) and used Newspeak to call this a freeze.

Either you are independent and you can admit this little deception or you are just a mouthpiece for the old regime. Which is it?

More here:

AdamB said...

Now how did I know that would be a link to one of your own articles?

"You know full well that Livingstone agreed these with TfL whilst he was still in power and then promised to reduce them from RPI + 1% to RPI (5%) and used Newspeak to call this a freeze."

Bus fares did not increase by 6% but by 11%.

And Boris has planned fare increases for every year of his entire term. Is this all the work of that nasty Livingstone or because of his own priorities?

"Either you are independent and you can admit this little deception or you are just a mouthpiece for the old regime. Which is it?"

I admit it! I receive daily instructions from Comrade Ken and his minions. Every month a brown envelope arrives stuffed full of Venezuelan bolĂ­vars signed by the Commisar himself.

You Councillor Taylor have found me out.

angelneptunestar said...

I have to say... I agree with Fitzroy. There is alack of humour here. I was hugely scolded for teasing... lighten up guys!

We can disagree and still be nice to each other. Jokes are not punishable offences, nor is teasing.

Tom said...

Is that Phil '£1.50 bus fare' Taylor, then? The chap who thinks we spend too much in bus subsidy?

I think he needs to be clear a) whether he's now done his research on public transport fares and b) how much they should rise or how much services should be cut by if he were in charge.

[leaving aside the huge can of worms opened up by Phil's implicitly allowing Ken to claim credit for things Boris claimed he did]

Rog T said...

AngelNeptunestar ??? What happened to plain old Sally??? How is life up in Boris Towers? Do you remember how I told you that lack of attention to detail would be his downfall in those heady days leading to his election? I suspect his media honeymoon is ending & the wind is changing.

The fact that he's given Coleman the fire brigade job & not sacked him for flagrant abuse of cabs shows that Boris really isn't up to it. If he knew that his deputy wasn't fit to have a corporate credit card in august 2008, he knew he wasn't fit to be a deputy on £127,000. The fact he didn't sack him then shows that Boris is a weak and ineffectual leader.

Anyway, hope you are keeping well.

Anonymous said...

It's always worth reminding people that Chavez is not a Latin American "dictator" but a democratically elected president.


Harold said...

Not only that Chavz has been elected or won elections - by all foreign observer accounts fair elections - 12 times.
Maybe Boris didn't mean Chavez, but Pinochet who a great mentor of his entertained quite lavishly?

Barry Rochford said...

Well Boris is all for transparency and although it will be painful when Coleman will go, reducing taxi drivers' income in the capital by 50%, it will all be for the good.
And when the media headlines are about huge amounts of his taxi bill's waiting time when he forgot his bike, it will be good for us all.
The problem is Boris, the money has been spent.
And just to remind him, the oil deal with Venezuela provided half-price travel for londoners on benefit in exchange for technical skills (transport and construction) badly needed in Caracas.

Helen said...

Time to remind everybody that Boris is so transparent and accountable that he reduced the previous Mayor's weekly press conferences (which went on until all the journalists' questions had been answered) to monthly and then...none. He hasn't held a press conference since November.

AdamB said...

"Mr Johnson had once become so tired of cycling he hailed his taxi and put his bike in the back of the cab"

saifu03 said...

Adam, behave!
If the cycling mayor, on occasion and no more (as his office said), needs to rest his legs, that is fair enough. He cycles everywhere so he should be cut some slack.